An unfortunate number of women seem to believe that good men are hard to find, or that they don’t exist. This is patently false! Whether you are only beginning to seek romantic prospects or are needing to improve your approach, there are a number of things you should keep in mind as you strive to put yourself in the orbit of marriageable men! These tenets of responsible dating are vital to cultivating healthy romantic relationships.
While all of my previous advice about finding excellent events still holds, you’ll want to calibrate your approach for finding men. Consider agricultural organizations, young professionals’ groups, and athletic events. Seek out philanthropic causes that have a strong social component. If you’re religious, become active in those circles as well! Don’t make the mistake of frequenting night clubs and sports bars where men are more likely to be prowling for women who have lower barriers to entry (not like that… but also like that!) or are strictly socializing with their male friends. In neither of these places are you likely to get the attention you want or deserve. By meeting marriageable men where they’re open to meeting romantic prospects, you will improve your odds.
If you are amenable to online dating, go for apps that promote more rigorous selection. I’m one of the lucky ones who met their husband via eHarmony. I know couples who have met on other dating apps, but they seem the exception to the rule. Apps that primarily function based off of sexual market value are more likely to turn up relationship prospects that don’t have the most future. If you’re looking for serious romantic involvement, be sure the platform is suited to such purposes.
In your day to day life, strive to be approachable. Embrace the aspects of your personality that are friendly and inviting to ensure the fish don’t fear the net you’re casting! Don’t create unnecessarily difficult obstacles for a man to traverse. Be open to interactions. Take out your headphones and keep your posture open. Be willing to smile and make eye contact. You can always politely but clearly backtrack if you don’t think there is enough compatibility for the relationship to have promise.
As you interact with these men, focus on them instead of on yourself and your goals. The same issue of people listening and merely waiting for their turn to respond is doubly damaging in a romantic context. Not only is it rather self-centered, you’ll be depriving yourself of the joy of getting to know someone. As a result you’ll be unlikely to notice the wonderful things happening, and anything that might be merely a communicative mishap or minor issue will seem like A Super Big Deal^TM. You’ll additionally be hard pressed to make a good impression if you’re too wrapped up in your own mind to be fully present and responsive.
If you’re feeling sorry for yourself after a long list of failed romantic encounters, consider that your picker might be broken. It’s not that men as a sex are flawed (they are human, and just as flawed as women). The issue you’re having is that your selection process is flawed. Are you pursuing men with vastly different spiritual or cultural values? Are you placing too much importance on tangible elements like appearance, profession, or hobbies? All of these things do matter in a relationship, but don’t go hunting for suitors with a laundry list of specifications. When we are told to have standards, that means boundaries for the way that we are treated, not frivolous materialism that has no real bearing on compatibility. You may not be “dating to marry”, but I implore you not to date anyone you don’t consider marriage potential. In the face of marriage, love, and lifelong connection, its about psychographics more than demographics. Consider what truly matters and unencumber yourself from overly complex checklists!
Abusive relationships and scenarios withstanding, accept responsibility for your relationships. Keep in mind that the one commonality in all of your successful, and unsuccessful, relationships is you. As you reflect on your past relationships, realize you were not the hapless innocent with zero agency whose partner was acting inside of a vacuum. People are independent and naturally capable of making decisions that adversely affect others, but this doesn’t mean we have nothing to learn from our failed relationships. Do some soul searching to determine what went wrong. Capitalize on your agency to prevent from making any mistakes you made in the past, whether they came in during the vetting process or later on in the relationship.
Focus on the positive. This is both in regard to your assets and charms as someone on the market, as well as the perspective you have of other people. Having an optimistic estimation of yourself and others will help you to see more value, and it will make you more pleasant to interact with. Both of these qualities are very valuable when pursuing romantic relationships! You should also begin with your strengths as you seek to make yourself even more marriageable. While you might need to work on aspects of yourself to improve your relationship market value, you will be most effective in establishing that value if you use your existing strengths to do so. This is the premise of Strengths Based Leadership, a conceptual approach to personal growth, leadership, and relationships that harnesses your existing excellence for even greater gains in life. No matter how the relationship ends, you’ll be able to say you grew from the experience in positive ways if you operate with a positive mindset.
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